For the illustrated version of Femdom Reflections on Strap On Play, Click here (NSFW)
Keys to women enjoying using a strap on include:
When I was about 16, I used to role play fucking a man in the ass.
At that time, I never really thought I would feel the sensation for real, but I found the mere suggestion of it very empowering. I would have my boyfriend lay face down on the bed, and I’d straddle his back.
Kneeing his thighs apart, holding his face down with one hand to the back of his head, I would position my hips in the right place, sneering at him, rubbing my crotch suggestively over his ass.
I’d growl, pull his hair, thrust my hips toward him in a rhythmic motion, gaining momentum (and enjoying the pressure and stimulation) until I was slamming into him as if I were the man and he were the woman.
The power rush was sensational. Having him face down, holding his face down, hearing the muffled protests. I wondered how good it would feel to be able to have that ability for real — to really *fuck* a man, to be a penetrator, not a penetratee.
I didn’t actually think I would know one day. But then again, I was only 16 – I also didn’t think I’d develop an interest in leashes and gagging men with my panties.
***
I remember the first time I wore my strap on. I modeled in front of the mirror and felt somewhat silly, but very sexy. It has a lot of leather straps and buckles, and can be tightened to fit snug enough to provide great stimulation to the pelvic bone. As a teen, I used to be able to orgasm from a good make out session while rubbing my jeans up against the hardness in my boyfriend’s pants — so you can imagine how stimulating it was to have that added bonus to my upcoming strap on play.
I can’t say how many times I have modeled my strap on alone or in front of my victims, looking in the mirror, admiring the length and thickness of my new dick, sliding my hand up and down it. Simulating masturbation (I often wonder what that feels like for men — really feels like).
There is nothing like the visual impact of it — how it protrudes almost lifelike from my body if the lights are dimmed just right, or the room is only illuminated with candlelight. I catch reflections in the mirror and feel like the cock is really part of me.
Just strapping it on gets me wet. It’s like a sign of what is about to come — the power, the total ownership of my victim, the ability to be plunging into his most delicate of areas, controlling every sensation.
****
A strap on was definitely not the first thing I shoved into a man’s ass. I had experimented lightly with sticking lubricated fingers into my victim’s ass during anal-exam fantasies, or just to make them feel violated.
I had inserted plugs and various dildos, simulated some fucking sensations. But as I sat there, ramming the dildo in his ass with rhythm, my mind drifted to the more practical, more erotic, more stimulating *for me* option — having the cock connected to me. Fucking him — literally.
****
There is a difference between the mind frame and objectives when it comes to dildo and plug play vs. strap on play. I can have my victim tied down, his legs up and apart, ass cheeks open to me — and very carefully and invadingly violate his ass by inserting a dildo or a plug. I can talk to him, tease him, stop and get up and look at him, stop and play with other toys while he has to hold the toy inside of him, testing the durability of his muscles.
Using the strap on is an entirely different sensation and mentality — it is about taking him, using him, and penetrating him with a lust and passion that is not matched by hand-inserting a dildo into his ass.
With the strap on, my dick becomes an extension of me, and every thrust of my hips (sexual in nature) equates to a violation of his ass (domination). I can watch the look on his face if I have him on his back, or I can revert back to my schoolgirl position having him face down, gripping the bed sheets or shackles, depending on whether or not I have him locked down.
*****
Another thing, terribly overlooked in some erotic contexts, is the power of using the strap on for things other than ass fucking.
I like masturbating in front of my slave when he is not allowed to. Tying him down and having him watch me alternate between jerking myself off and massaging my pussy, until I cum in an orgasm that simulates his.
And he can do nothing.
I like making him watch me strap it on, locking the leather straps tight around my hips and thighs, staring into his eyes. Making him watch me lubricate it slowly, moving my hand up and down the long shaft with precision, making it shine with lubricant. Saying, “You know what I am going to do with this, don’t you?”
But, I suppose, the second best thing to the actual ass-fucking with it is making my victim get down on his knees, crawl to me, and worship my latex cock.
Making him open his mouth so I can slide the tip of it between his parted lips, hands on my hips at first, moving just slightly back and forth. Telling him what a nasty cock sucking whore he is. Making him stick his tongue out and lick — lick the tip, then to lick down the sides.
Finally opening his mouth to accept the full length of me — all 8 or 9 inches, holding him by the head now, sliding my cock out of his lips slowly. It’s glistening now, and I can feel the resistance as my hips move back and forth slowly.
It is then that I can reach over with my other hand, feeling down under me, feel the wetness, rub my pussy, soak my fingers while I give myself additional pleasure. Taking those wet fingers and rubbing them on the tip of my latex cock as a little treat for my nasty slave, making him lick it off eagerly to taste how excited he has made me.
Fucking a slave in the mouth can be extremely exciting — especially if I control the deepness, the timing of the thrusts. Holding his head still, holding his chin down to keep his mouth open.
*****
For those thinking about strap on play, both from the giving and receiving end, I do have some practical suggestions — based on experience, but limited to my own personal experience. So please take it for what it is worth.
I strongly suggest for women considering strap on play, or men encouraging their reluctant partners to consider it, that role playing be used first. It is important to establish the position and nature of the act as highly erotic and sexy.
When I was 16, I was fucking men in the ass in my head. I didn’t know it then, but that’s what it was. I can easily determine now why using a strapon is so erotic for me — because at 16, exploring my sexuality, I was mimicking the posture and motions of it while highly turned on, and while stimulating my sexual areas through pressure and gyration — it became a very pleasurable concept in my head from a young age.
Role playing allows both people to enjoy the concept of the penetration without the hang-ups, inevitable snags that pop up, and logistics of dealing with objects in extremely delicate human orifices.
If both are comfortable with the erotic role playing concept, then perhaps it is time to move to the next level, but I strongly suggest not jumping right to strap on play. The woman, especially if she has limited experience with the motions involved in being the *penetrator* (by nature this is not how we are built), attempting it right off could result in problems due to a variety of factors — going too fast, too slow, at the wrong angle, with the wrong tempo. Moving in ways that she might not have as much control over her thrusts.
In order to make it more pleasurable and controlled, she should start with hand-inserting objects into her subject’s ass, so she can understand the level of resistance, his tolerance for size and deepness, and the general limitations of the anatomy.
Only when she is totally comfortable with that do I suggest she move on — otherwise, the first strap on experience could be a disaster, and destroy any established eroticism associated with the act.
The logistics of this kind of play are covered very well in many other sources. Using a lot of lubricant the first time, going very slow, communicating very seriously during the first trial runs. Do not expect to fuck or be fucked violently and passionately the *first time*. Until a woman is aware of your anatomy, it is not feasible that she become the ravaging Mistress-from-hell with the nasty dick, ready to take you.
It makes sense, to me, that the first time with a new partner should be a non-headspace event. That is, there are no roles, you are simply two people becoming comfortable with a new position. Talk about it the whole time, discuss feelings and sensations.
Then, the next time, the domina can buckle on the strap-on cock with confidence, already comfortable with the positions, the tempo, the measurement and level of the thrusts. That way, it won’t interfere with her headspace (sometimes nagging worries can really mess with a woman’s control buttons — there should be little or no doubt that what she is doing is good, is erotic, and is empowering — not wondering, “oh no, is this too hard? is this too fast?”)
There are plenty of times later where the domina can surprise the victim and take him as if it were the first time. I personally enjoy telling the sub that some day it will happen, and he knows he is to resist passionately, desperately, and will be taken ruthlessly against his will.
And because I love the act, because it is so erotic and nasty to me, I can strap him down, hold his face down, and thrust my 8 inch cock into his ass with no worries, no wondering, and no hesitation. I can violate him with deep, penetrating thrusts, until his ass is sore and he has smeared the pillow with sweat and tears.
The only way that is possible is because of my lust for the act — and my understanding of the sensations, and patience to do it right.
(c) akasha@akashaweb.com 2020
All Rights Reserved
Keys to women enjoying using a strap on include:
When I was about 16, I used to role play fucking a man in the ass.
At that time, I never really thought I would feel the sensation for real, but I found the mere suggestion of it very empowering. I would have my boyfriend lay face down on the bed, and I’d straddle his back.
Kneeing his thighs apart, holding his face down with one hand to the back of his head, I would position my hips in the right place, sneering at him, rubbing my crotch suggestively over his ass.
I’d growl, pull his hair, thrust my hips toward him in a rhythmic motion, gaining momentum (and enjoying the pressure and stimulation) until I was slamming into him as if I were the man and he were the woman.
The power rush was sensational. Having him face down, holding his face down, hearing the muffled protests. I wondered how good it would feel to be able to have that ability for real — to really *fuck* a man, to be a penetrator, not a penetratee.
I didn’t actually think I would know one day. But then again, I was only 16 – I also didn’t think I’d develop an interest in leashes and gagging men with my panties.
***
I remember the first time I wore my strap on. I modeled in front of the mirror and felt somewhat silly, but very sexy. It has a lot of leather straps and buckles, and can be tightened to fit snug enough to provide great stimulation to the pelvic bone. As a teen, I used to be able to orgasm from a good make out session while rubbing my jeans up against the hardness in my boyfriend’s pants — so you can imagine how stimulating it was to have that added bonus to my upcoming strap on play.
I can’t say how many times I have modeled my strap on alone or in front of my victims, looking in the mirror, admiring the length and thickness of my new dick, sliding my hand up and down it. Simulating masturbation (I often wonder what that feels like for men — really feels like).
There is nothing like the visual impact of it — how it protrudes almost lifelike from my body if the lights are dimmed just right, or the room is only illuminated with candlelight. I catch reflections in the mirror and feel like the cock is really part of me.
Just strapping it on gets me wet. It’s like a sign of what is about to come — the power, the total ownership of my victim, the ability to be plunging into his most delicate of areas, controlling every sensation.
****
A strap on was definitely not the first thing I shoved into a man’s ass. I had experimented lightly with sticking lubricated fingers into my victim’s ass during anal-exam fantasies, or just to make them feel violated.
I had inserted plugs and various dildos, simulated some fucking sensations. But as I sat there, ramming the dildo in his ass with rhythm, my mind drifted to the more practical, more erotic, more stimulating *for me* option — having the cock connected to me. Fucking him — literally.
****
There is a difference between the mind frame and objectives when it comes to dildo and plug play vs. strap on play. I can have my victim tied down, his legs up and apart, ass cheeks open to me — and very carefully and invadingly violate his ass by inserting a dildo or a plug. I can talk to him, tease him, stop and get up and look at him, stop and play with other toys while he has to hold the toy inside of him, testing the durability of his muscles.
Using the strap on is an entirely different sensation and mentality — it is about taking him, using him, and penetrating him with a lust and passion that is not matched by hand-inserting a dildo into his ass.
With the strap on, my dick becomes an extension of me, and every thrust of my hips (sexual in nature) equates to a violation of his ass (domination). I can watch the look on his face if I have him on his back, or I can revert back to my schoolgirl position having him face down, gripping the bed sheets or shackles, depending on whether or not I have him locked down.
*****
Another thing, terribly overlooked in some erotic contexts, is the power of using the strap on for things other than ass fucking.
I like masturbating in front of my slave when he is not allowed to. Tying him down and having him watch me alternate between jerking myself off and massaging my pussy, until I cum in an orgasm that simulates his.
And he can do nothing.
I like making him watch me strap it on, locking the leather straps tight around my hips and thighs, staring into his eyes. Making him watch me lubricate it slowly, moving my hand up and down the long shaft with precision, making it shine with lubricant. Saying, “You know what I am going to do with this, don’t you?”
But, I suppose, the second best thing to the actual ass-fucking with it is making my victim get down on his knees, crawl to me, and worship my latex cock.
Making him open his mouth so I can slide the tip of it between his parted lips, hands on my hips at first, moving just slightly back and forth. Telling him what a nasty cock sucking whore he is. Making him stick his tongue out and lick — lick the tip, then to lick down the sides.
Finally opening his mouth to accept the full length of me — all 8 or 9 inches, holding him by the head now, sliding my cock out of his lips slowly. It’s glistening now, and I can feel the resistance as my hips move back and forth slowly.
It is then that I can reach over with my other hand, feeling down under me, feel the wetness, rub my pussy, soak my fingers while I give myself additional pleasure. Taking those wet fingers and rubbing them on the tip of my latex cock as a little treat for my nasty slave, making him lick it off eagerly to taste how excited he has made me.
Fucking a slave in the mouth can be extremely exciting — especially if I control the deepness, the timing of the thrusts. Holding his head still, holding his chin down to keep his mouth open.
*****
For those thinking about strap on play, both from the giving and receiving end, I do have some practical suggestions — based on experience, but limited to my own personal experience. So please take it for what it is worth.
I strongly suggest for women considering strap on play, or men encouraging their reluctant partners to consider it, that role playing be used first. It is important to establish the position and nature of the act as highly erotic and sexy.
When I was 16, I was fucking men in the ass in my head. I didn’t know it then, but that’s what it was. I can easily determine now why using a strapon is so erotic for me — because at 16, exploring my sexuality, I was mimicking the posture and motions of it while highly turned on, and while stimulating my sexual areas through pressure and gyration — it became a very pleasurable concept in my head from a young age.
Role playing allows both people to enjoy the concept of the penetration without the hang-ups, inevitable snags that pop up, and logistics of dealing with objects in extremely delicate human orifices.
If both are comfortable with the erotic role playing concept, then perhaps it is time to move to the next level, but I strongly suggest not jumping right to strap on play. The woman, especially if she has limited experience with the motions involved in being the *penetrator* (by nature this is not how we are built), attempting it right off could result in problems due to a variety of factors — going too fast, too slow, at the wrong angle, with the wrong tempo. Moving in ways that she might not have as much control over her thrusts.
In order to make it more pleasurable and controlled, she should start with hand-inserting objects into her subject’s ass, so she can understand the level of resistance, his tolerance for size and deepness, and the general limitations of the anatomy.
Only when she is totally comfortable with that do I suggest she move on — otherwise, the first strap on experience could be a disaster, and destroy any established eroticism associated with the act.
The logistics of this kind of play are covered very well in many other sources. Using a lot of lubricant the first time, going very slow, communicating very seriously during the first trial runs. Do not expect to fuck or be fucked violently and passionately the *first time*. Until a woman is aware of your anatomy, it is not feasible that she become the ravaging Mistress-from-hell with the nasty dick, ready to take you.
It makes sense, to me, that the first time with a new partner should be a non-headspace event. That is, there are no roles, you are simply two people becoming comfortable with a new position. Talk about it the whole time, discuss feelings and sensations.
Then, the next time, the domina can buckle on the strap-on cock with confidence, already comfortable with the positions, the tempo, the measurement and level of the thrusts. That way, it won’t interfere with her headspace (sometimes nagging worries can really mess with a woman’s control buttons — there should be little or no doubt that what she is doing is good, is erotic, and is empowering — not wondering, “oh no, is this too hard? is this too fast?”)
There are plenty of times later where the domina can surprise the victim and take him as if it were the first time. I personally enjoy telling the sub that some day it will happen, and he knows he is to resist passionately, desperately, and will be taken ruthlessly against his will.
And because I love the act, because it is so erotic and nasty to me, I can strap him down, hold his face down, and thrust my 8 inch cock into his ass with no worries, no wondering, and no hesitation. I can violate him with deep, penetrating thrusts, until his ass is sore and he has smeared the pillow with sweat and tears.
The only way that is possible is because of my lust for the act — and my understanding of the sensations, and patience to do it right.
(c) akasha@akashaweb.com 2020
All Rights Reserved
“I believe that many women are intimidated by and uncomfortable with the concept of erotic female domination or femdom because of the way they see it portrayed in adult films and in the media. I believe that men also develop many bad habits after years of satisfying their fantasies on their own, and focusing on their own pleasure. Through communication, trust and safe, sane & consensual exploration of erotic power exchange, I think many couples can experience pleasure they never imagined, and also develop better relationship communication and intimacy.”
–Akasha
The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Domination
INTRODUCTION
I receive a lot of email from women who are exploring domination and think they want to become a femdom. Many of them are doing it at the urging of their husbands or boyfriends, and the woman’s attitude can range from “This sounds ridiculous and twisted and I don’t think I can ever do it but I want to make him happy” to “Hmm, sounds kind of interesting, but some of that stuff is just too weird.” The common question is always, “Where do I even start?”
I decided to develop a series of “scenes” that range from extremely tame to a little riskier. But rather than just say, “Tie up your mate and do this, that, and the other thing to him,” I wanted to add what is important:
What YOU might get out of it
How you can do it without feeling uncomfortable
How to communicate about it
Hopefully, the end result will be that you find there are things you kind of enjoy, things you do once and say “not for me,” and things you do and look back and think, “Hey, that was really HOT! I want to try that again.”
ABOUT ME
To help you better understand where I am coming from, let me tell you a little bit about who I am, and about this website. I’m a very normal woman living a very normal life, with a career, and a mate. Unlike most of the women I hear from, I got into “erotic power exchange” on my own, when I was an experimenting teenager, and was not introduced to this by a boyfriend or husband. When I was a teenager, while relatively sexually conservative, I was fascinated with the sensualism associated with games like tying up my partner, or using blindfolds. As I got older, I was exposed to more, at my own pace, and found that there were a great many things I could enjoy with a partner. Some of them are considered quite kinky. In fact, some of the things I do now, I would NEVER have imagined I would do! One thing has never changed though, and let me make this clear:
I have always found the portrayal of “dominant women” in adult films and most adult erotica to be cheesy, ridiculous, and sometimes downright silly.
Chances are that you might only know about female domination (femdom)from these ridiculous portrayals of latex clad divas and men acting pathetic and you feel embarrassed for them. Rest assured, this is NOT what you are going to become. These films are developed to cater to a male audience. And most men, while they kind of dig that fantasy, really want one thing: A woman who really ENJOYS dominating him. That is more important than a costume or a fetish.
First, the rules. Please read these WITH your mate.
FOR HER:
–Enjoy yourself. Let go. Don’t compare yourself to the stereotype of what you think “female domination” is — whether it be a dominatrix you saw on TV or something you read in the newspaper or saw in an adult movie or B-movie. Femdom is just a word. This isn’t the same thing.
–Enjoy yourself. Make sure you do the things you like and do them lots. If something feels right but you feel confused about it, know that you can reflect on it later, communicate with your mate and find out how you feel about it.
–Enjoy yourself. This is YOUR time. Do not get caught in the trap of thinking, “Ok, I can do this. I can stomach it to please my partner because I love him.” That’s not the point. It defeats the purpose.
–BE SAFE. Most of these examples are fairly tame, but always know your partner, his health situation, allergies. Always have a communication mode set up, either agree to talk openly during the entire time (So if he says “STOP”, that means stop), or set up a “SAFEWORD” if you prefer to roleplay — so if he says “STOP” and is just being dramatic, have a code word that really means “STOP”. Personally, I prefer open communication, especially if you are just starting.
FOR HIM:
–No nagging. Don’t push her into doing it. Let her do it when she is ready. Don’t pressure. If she says “I am going to give this a try when I am ready,” you are to back off and let her approach it in her own way.
–No asking for more. When she’s done with the scene or session with you, don’t ask for more. Even if you think you are complimenting her by saying, “Oh I am so turned on, please can we keep going” — DON’T. There is a time for communication (more on that later), but when she signals that she is done, you can’t ask for more.
–Don’t top from the bottom. No hinting at her, no telling her what to do, no trying to “help” her unless she asks for it. No trying to manipulate her into doing more of what you like. THE PURPOSE OF THIS IS FOR HER TO FIND OUT WHAT SHE ENJOYS. You already know what you enjoy.
–Don’t get addicted. The rush will be fantastic. Separate your relationship from your passion for these games and don’t let it rule your life. Provide her with appropriate affection and encouragement in the hours and days following her exploration, without expecting anything in return.
–Retain dignity. If groveling is your kink, please tone it down. Keep your reactions in check and note how she responds to your reactions. The goal here is to not have her feel uncomfortable when she sees you submit. All women react differently to varying degrees of humility in their mates. It’s your job to find out what her comfort zone is. It might change with time, but out of the gate you want her to enjoy it and not be distracted by you acting too pathetic for her taste.
THE GROUND RULES FOR BOTH PEOPLE
–All play is initiated by the woman. She picks the date and time. It is up to her whether or not to give advanced notice, and also to still NOT choose to play at that time.
–Play starts AND stops when she feels it should. When she is finished, or “stuck,” or if she feels that it just isn’t clicking with her, she says, “I’d like to stop now,” and all bets are off.
–Communication must take place after the “scene” is over — in preferably three segments. One, about ten or fifteen minutes after completion. Spend some quiet time cuddling or making love, and then take a few minutes to reflect on how both people enjoyed it. Talk about it again later — a few hours later. Often new feelings come out. Then, try to talk about it the next day when you have had a chance to totally remove yourself.
TOPICS FOR POST-SCENE DISCUSSION
–What did she enjoy most? This is her opportunity to share what has worked for her. Also, ladies, remember that often a great deal of the pleasure the man receives is in knowing that he did a good job or made her feel good. This is your chance to give him praise.
–What pushed his buttons? Gentlemen, please do not use this post-scene time to lay out your laundry or wish list. YES, do tell her what pushed your buttons. But cautiously phrase things. DO say things like, “When you pinched my nipples, I thought I was going to lose it! That was so intense and exciting.” DO NOT say things like, “I wish you would have pinched my nipples more.” Don’t phrase things in the negative. Say what you liked, not what could have been better, UNLESS she asks you. This is confidence-building time.
–What odd emotions are you facing? For both partners. Guilt? Shame? Why are you feeling these things? What is worrying or nagging you? Talk through the roller coaster of emotions are you both feeling to better understand how this makes you feel. Note that many times the emotions run VERY high right after completing this kind of scenario, and it takes some time to level off. Think about what you are feeling and talk about it.
–Aftercare — do not underestimate the importance of “aftercare” for both partners. It is common for one or both people to feel exhausted, zoned, restless or confused. Often a sure-fire aftercare method, to help both people settle down, is good old fashioned quiet cuddling. Gentlemen, do not forget that your femdom needs aftercare too — often they are dealing with confusing feelings of guilt, or wondering if they were adequate. Also, remember that aftercare comes also the next day — a phone call or an email to say again, “I really enjoyed that.” The bottom line: Communicate!
QUICK TIPS FOR HER ENJOYMENT:
Ladies, I cannot emphasize enough how important these few tips are:
1. ENJOY YOURSELF. Don’t try to do this just to please your partner. This is playful, sexual experimentation. Treat it like that.
2. DO NOT force yourself to do any of these things if you are not in the mood. Period.
3. KNOW THAT YOU CAN STOP whenever you want. He knows the rules. You do this on your time. Don’t feel obligated.
4. THINK ABOUT the fantasy/scene ahead of time — a day or two before, a few hours before. Think about what will make it exciting for you. Think about how shocked and enamored he is going to be.
5. REMEMBER there is no set start and stop time, or “time length” this should last. It may be ten or fifteen minutes. It may be a half hour. It may be broken up throughout the day or over a few days. When you are done or feeling not quite into it, you say, “I am ready to stop now.” At first, you may want to purposely take less time in your adventures — they can be exhausting!
ON TO THE SCENES
The following are simple suggestions for games that you can play with your mate. You take on all the risks involved, and please note that these are suggestions. Always keep safety in mind, and be aware of your partner’s physical and emotional well being. Always communicate and always have an agreed upon way to stop the interaction immediately. This is critical to trust and safety!
1. LIGHT BONDAGE
Description: Often a little light bondage is the easiest first step for a woman who is exploring female domination / femdom. I think I read somewhere that a great majority of couples experiment with light tying-up and blindfolding games at some point. It’s the most portrayed on primetime TV of all the female domination / femdom scenarios. You may have already experimented with this type of play with your mate. This time, though, do it on your terms. You choose the time, and you choose when and how to restrain him. Some creative, spontaneous examples:
–Lightly bind him to a chair and feed him dessert
–Tie his hands behind his back and make him service you orally
–Blindfold him and instruct him how to make love to you
–Tie him to your bed and pretend he is your sex slave, or someone you want playful revenge on. Pretend he is someone you have wanted forever, and now you have him in your clutches. IF you role play, make sure you tell him ahead of time how you want him to react. Should he be scared and timid? Should he be brave and stoic? Should he be a bit of a smart aleck, so you can give him an attitude adjustment? Which of these sound most fun to you?
** Always remember to be careful with bondage. Handcuffs are flashy and fun, but have to be watched as they can dig into the nerves and do damage — only use them if you are not going to be putting a lot of pressure on them. Scarves, pantyhose, ties work well, but do NOT tie the knots too close to the skin. The point here is to create the aura; later, if you want to follow this path, you can learn how to restrain someone so he really cannot get away, and do it safely. Stay away from the neck.
** Never leave your partner bound and unattended with no way to get free.
What do you get out of it?
For me, there is something very sexy and sensual about bondage. Maybe this is just in my wiring. The sight of a man bound tightly or helpless in some way is just raw. I always get fascinated with wrists, ankles, and hips during bondage. The little struggling bits get me very excited. I like to see a man challenged, and to me, bondage is a challenge. He’s helpless. I like things like heavy breathing, sweat — these things come out when a guy is struggling, even if it’s make believe. It’s also fun turning the tables.
Note to men: Your fantasies may include heavy bondage, latex, straitjackets, cock and ball harnesses, or real imprisonment. My advice to you: Back off. Let her learn to enjoy the concept of bondage first. If you are looking for those games, you have to put your own desires aside and let her evolve. She will not go from light bondage games to complicated bondage overnight. If you help her enjoy the above games, she is more likely to want to try more. Remember, it’s about HER pleasure!
2. TAKING CHARGE OF HIS ORGASMS/TEASING AND DENIAL (also known as “Chastity”)
Description: This is probably logistically one of the easiest games to play with your mate, and one that will generate the most results quickly. Very simply put, you get to control when and how he has an orgasm. Men often respond very well to being controlled this way. It is exciting for them, and they feel very helpless and enamored with a woman who is not afraid to control his sexual release. You start by simply telling him that he is not allowed to have an orgasm unless you direct him to, and with your permission. You can make the rules. If he is the nagging type, tell him that if he bugs you about it, you will put it off even longer. Make sure you continue to have him pleasure you, however. And make sure you let it be known that you are enjoying having this pleasure, and that he cannot have his own until you say he can. When you are satisfied with his suffering (a few days, a week, even a couple of weeks later), you can make him “EARN” the right to have an orgasm (you pick what he has to do!), or have a great lovemaking session, or even have him masturbate in front of you. He will be putty in your hands. He will probably be on the “honor system” as he could have snuck off at some point into the bathroom, or at work, and satisfied himself. But if he is serious about submission, he will confess if this happens, and you can make him start over again — or punish him by making him do something he hates (Clean the bathroom? Mow the lawn?). Always remember that the closer you get him to orgasm and then stop, repetitively, often directly results in making him hornier. Timing wise, these kinds of scenes work well in the course of ONE evening (lots of starting and stopping, so by the end of the night he’s just ready to explode and will do ANYTHING for you), or over several days, with periodic teasing. Teasing can include things like: A nasty phone call or voice mail in the middle of the day (tell him what you are wearing, that you are masturbating and let him listen, tell him about a fantasy of yours, or just simply say “I bet you wish you could cum right now, eh?”), a handjob in the morning that never leads to anything, the start of a blow job that never happens, wearing something super sexy and flashing him in the bedroom, making him go down on you, sending a pair of your panties to work in his briefcase, pointing out to him casually things about your sexuality, “Gee, it must be cold in here, my nipples are really hard, can you tell?” — Be a flirty tease, be sexy and know it, be confident and HAVE FUN. Tease the hell out of him. He’ll be fit to be tied!
What do you get out of it?
You call all the shots. You have complete control over your sex life. Regardless of your sex drive, this will always work in your favor — If you have a low sex drive and feel bad about that, who cares — you deny him, and it gives you the breathing room you have always wanted, and actually you may find your sex drive comes back when you aren’t pressured all the time. If you have a high sex drive, you can have your cake and eat it to. All the oral sex you want, when you want it, without having to return the favor. If you LOVE intercourse and can’t live without it, train him (it takes practice) to penetrate you WITHOUT having his own orgasm, or experiment with dildos and vibrators. The bottom line is that you will own your own sexual pleasure, and he will become more and more under your spell as his desire for you increases. If he starts whining, or nagging, or his behavior during this “high horniness time” is a turn off to you, TELL HIM. The last thing you want to do is reward bad behavior by not pointing it out. He will be looking to do what you want during this time, and if anyone needs to modify behavior, it will be him. I have found that most men (even non-kinky men) respond to this kind of game because it’s sexy and fun, and most women can get into it because it’s relatively low pressure and she has many options to do it her way.
NOTE TO MEN: Your fantasies may include chastity devices or more severe treatment or humiliation regarding your inability to have release. Back off. This is about having her enjoy the concept of controlling your pleasure, and she must start with what is fun and not complicated. Chastity devices can be expensive and bulky, and in practice are often hard to implement. If she really enjoys controlling you verbally, she may go down that path, so make sure she has fun. Men are often tempted to create their own rituals and rules regarding “not being allowed to cum” because they have done it for so long all by themselves with a make believe femdom, or someone they met on the Internet. DO NOT try to mold your mate into this person. Let her find HER style. Got it? Bottom line again — let her find out what works for her!
What’s next? Let’s move over to – How to Become an Amazing Domina – It’s Easy!
Akasha’s Web is the original, all-authentic femdom erotica website. I have written more than 1,000 exclusive femdom stories and online trainings, in addition to the internet’s most shared no-nonsense guide for curious and reluctant women dipping their toe in the waters of BDSM. Now and then, I’ll add a humorous commentary or pop culture observation.
I stick my fingers in his mouth. One. Then two. Then three. Wearing gloves. Black latex gloves. Simply satisfied to watch him fight to keep up with me. Violating his lips unceremoniously. No rhyme or reason. His eyes shut tight as if there were mirrors there (there aren’t).
I am speculating now, but I think submissive men are still, for the most part, sensation-oriented, and the femdom of their dreams, or in their fantasies, is more sensation-driven as well. That is, domination is a series of acts and reactions mostly based on physical, sensual, sexual, erotic things. She does it because it turns her on (the act); he endures it because it turns him on (either the act, or her enjoyment of it, or a combination of both).
Having his legs up, knees bent, ankles strapped in stirrups was even more objectifying and hot. The position was such that his legs were pulled back and up far enough that his ass was pointed up and his hole was visible and accessible to all. Still tight and willing, it sat there as an invitation to all that wanted to violate him - by finger, by tongue, by dildo, or by cock.
I met Dirk on the Internet about 2 months ago. Now, I must admit, he is my total whore. And we have never met. Dirk is my Internet slave, my phone slave. But I have total control over him, and this works for me because my desire is so spontaneous and so outrageous that I […]
For submissive crossdressers or men who enjoy “forced feminization,” there’s a difficult road ahead. Why are so many dominant women put off by forced femme, or men who enjoy being feminized? Why do so many dominant women list it as a hard limit, leaving sissyboys with nowhere to turn but pros? Here’s one woman’s POV, […]
Cracked Good morning my corporate slut, There’s no surprise that I am easily aroused when I know you are absolutely helpless. Unable to cum. Locked in steel chastity. Denied for what must seem like months. When I know that my mere presence puts you in a painful, strained state of tortured denial, my first instict […]
I know you’ve got plenty of experience serving me in front of one of my friends, or serving a girlfriend of mine while I give direction. You’ve even had the pleasure of having a cock both in your ass and in your mouth at the same time, but I bet that memory is almost a blur. You’ve been dual fucked, and you’ve been used by me and a friend. You’ve proven that you are capable of serving two demanding women at once – both orally and anally.